birthdays and deathdays
in my family, summer is the season of birthdays; fall is the season of deathdays. everyone was born in july; everyone died in november.
on birthdays, we make phone calls - gather around a phone on speaker, leave a voicemail of nothing but a somewhat tone-deaf happy birthday - no hello, no how are you, no who is calling.
on deathdays, we light white candles. leave them burning from sunrise to midnight. remember all day long.
when i carry stories of maternal deaths, now, i light white candles too. i have gone through a lot of white candles lately. the nights before our review committee meets, i grieve over each death, every single one. in health systems, it's easy to count numbers and forget about people. i hope i never forget.
lately, i've been reading on how we blame pregnant folks for their deaths. we also blame providers like physicians and midwives, and that isn't right either. (hint: blame the system[s], then put in the work to fix it.) we should be listening to black women, trust black women, invest in black women. this weekend i'm at the black maternal health conference & training institute, to keep listening, keep learning.
these days
it's still flu season! have you gotten your flu shot? you should get your flu shot. for an extra boost (read: in addition to a flu shot), i've been taking a tablespoon of elderberry syrup whenever i remember to. my favorite recipe is a desi spin on thyme herbal's - elderberry, ginger, turmeric, fresh thyme. (if you need a turmeric source, may i recommend the always incredible diaspora co? sana is a fellow queerdesi and peddles the freshest haldi i've ever tasted.)
when i have a particularly great day at work, i drive home with the windows open with bollywood at full volume. the spotify no borders playlist can be hit or miss, but i am weirdly stuck on this.
i live on the internet that existed two years ago (see: starting a newsletter in the year of our lord 2018), so i am only just listening to solange now. forgive me.
i've watched this profile of haylin belay's witchcraft for self care at least a dozen times now. see also her newsletter, which is one of the handful that inspired this one.
fun fact: if you get yourself a little apartment-sized (non-denominational, obvi) christmas tree, it will stay upright just fine in a bucket weighed down with bricks. also your whole apartment will smell like winter in new england, which is the way december should smell.
until next week, friends.