a bitter woman

In herbalism practices worldwide, bitterness is a necessary ingredient. Often found in local plants — nettles and dandelion greens are a riotous example, delicious in an early spring salad — bitter flavors stimulate digestive enzymes, prepping the body to make use of the incoming nutrients. A few drops of gentian root bitters in a happy hour aperitivo, a dash of hing tempered in ghee, a pile of digestive herbs in a warm autumn grain bowl. In an after-dinner digestif or a cup of ginger tea, bitters help soothe a full belly as it breaks down its nourishment.

As in food, bitter notes in fragrances deepen sweetness, enlivening florals with an herbaceous twist. A spicy center gives marigolds their fragrant richness, redolent and languid — who can forget the iconic scene from Monsoon Wedding?

But in cookery and in our emotional landscapes, bitterness can be as rejected as the weed. We cast aside anger as an unjust harshness, instead of recognizing it as the smoke that lingers over our pain. Our bitterness is often hard won, giving an edge to flat kindnesses, and we cannot easily process the sweet without a bitter note. As my therapist put it recently, our softer parts need to take care of our harder parts, but sometimes our harder parts protect our softer parts.

I am taking a few drops of homebrewed nettle tincture, roasting some squash and fennel with winter herbs, and bringing some gentle ease to my bitter parts of self, today. I am absorbing the bitter alongside the sweet, welcoming both.

a few medicines, to celebrate our bitter:

• This episode on scent, karmic memory, and healing reminded me of Tanaïs’s marigold perfume, which they created in the summer of 2020 and which I wore for the above portrait project on assault and power a year later.

• Samantha Irby and Cody Cook-Parrott, a duet on queerness and chronic illness and soapy television.

• I stayed up until 2:30am the other night devouring this book — full of love and bitterness.

• For workplaces, on long COVID, inclusion, and equity.

• The next chai with zia episode is coming out later this week; you can submit your questions here and become a paid subscriber to listen.

• Last week, in keeping with a family tradition, I gave my parents the first few dollars I have ever earned from my writing. Thank you for supporting this space and my work; it is an immeasurable honor and joy.

until next time.